it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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