Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
