At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
