thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
