i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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