how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
