allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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