did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
