I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
