I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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