We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
