My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
