What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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