I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
