And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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