How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
