Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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