I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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