Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
