I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
