If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
