I'm going to jail i love you
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
