Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
3 2 1 whiskey
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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