Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
