I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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