Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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