he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
