Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
