So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
