he thought i was a dude.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
