Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize