did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
