Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
