just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
