roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
