oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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