This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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