I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
