So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
