How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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