3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
