Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
