i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
