it's not cheating when I paid for it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
