I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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