Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
