I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
