Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
