Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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