I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
