You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
