I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
