This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
oh god the rape fog is back!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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