jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
