i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
