can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
