We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm like, not good at living.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
