Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize