They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
