So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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