Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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