Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize