3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
