just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
