What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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