lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
