It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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