you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
