Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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