'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You can't motorboat a personality
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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