One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
