someone owes me an orgasm
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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