Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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