It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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