The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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