so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
