I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
