hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize