I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am available for nakedness
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
