Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
its not stalking. its research.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
