addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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